I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
