you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
