Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
