i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
did i walk over a car last night?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
