i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
