If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
