Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
