careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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