high people should be assigned attendants
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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