so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
