god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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