I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
