Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
