Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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