my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I can't turn off my feet"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
