Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
