Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
