I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
