you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
