She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
These tits shall not be calmed
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
