need another drink. this is the easiest way
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
