We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
