he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
