he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
