dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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