I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
