you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Randomize
