dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
