I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
