Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
