I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
