What a fucking waste of an outfit
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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