Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
