Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
