I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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