he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
