I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
