you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
