if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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