just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
