I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
