Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
