Cold hands, warm shart.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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