Pants 0. Shit 1.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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