so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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