guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
