we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Drunk is not a location!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
