if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
