ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
