I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
