you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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